Thursday, December 2, 2010

Vendor Trash Lore: Topper McNabb and the Slimy Rings

No one can argue with the fact that this game has a ton of lore. Sad thing is, it has a ton of lore about powerful things. Powerful weapons. Important people. And everyone focuses on this lore and forgets about how important some of the other stories are in this game. The untold stories that are often looked over. It is now my goal to tell these stories. Today I shall tell the story of Topper McNabb and the Slimy Rings.

Long ago, long before any player set foot in Azeroth, Jerry Denman decided it was time he opened up a Jewelry shop of his own. He had been working as an apprentice in Ironforge and soon found he had become better than his teacher and felt he was holding him back. He was thankful, but Jerry had dreams of becoming a world famous jewelcrafter. So he thanked his mentor for his effort, than made his way to Stormwind to start up his business.

Business was fantastic right from the start. Maybe even too good, because soon Jerry became overwhelmed with the amount of business he was getting. And the news that he was the most skilled jeweler in Azeroth spread like wildfire, thus insuring he would remain busy. He realized he needed to hire an assistant to help him out. Quickly.

Mr. Denman spread flyers around Stormwind advertising the position and over one hundred citizens answered the call to craft. Jerry had to sort through all of these people. After hundreds of thousands of smashed gems, bent rings, and shattered necklaces he phased out almost all of his hopefuls. Only two people remained: Thomas Miller and (to every one's surprise) Topper McNabb.

Thomas Miller was as skilled as any newcomer could be. He had the grace of a swan when he cut gems. The finesse of a rogue when he etched designs. The greatness of a- You get the point. Thomas Miller was a fantastic option for an assistant. His only flaw was his attitude. He was good, and he knew it. His ego was bigger than a certain dragon's chin, and that's saying something. Jerry hated this. There's nothing more he hated than a giant ego.

 Topper McNabb on the other hand was not skilled at anything. He crushed jewels, destroyed tiaras, and somehow set the building on fire seven times. The only reason he still remained a hopeful was Jerry loved his spirit. His sense of wanting to be the best, regardless of the fact he was a klutz. Mr. Denman saw promise.

There's three things Jerry knew about Topper McNabb. He's clumsy. He's gullible. And he loves squirrels. Mr. Denman figured he could live with all three of these things, and offered Topper McNabb the job. This infuriated Thomas Miller.

Business was booming as always (despite Toppers constant struggles) and soon the two of them became the richest people in Azeroth. Customers came from far away to get some of their jewelry. Life couldn't get better for either of them, especially Topper. Before he had this job he had nothing, and now he had everything. He was living large. If only he could stop dropping things, then his life would be perfect.

Thomas Miller on the other hand (after being denied his dream job) was forced to find another means of living: becoming a bread vendor. As he endlessly walked around the middle of Stormwind he constantly swore he'd get revenge on Topper. Thomas kept making plans in his head on how he would do it too. None of them seemed effective, until one day the most brilliant plan of all got concocted and set into motion as soon as he finished with his bread rounds for the day.

Back at the shop Jerry got mail regarding some rings that were made in Searing Gorge by the Thorium Brotherhood that they wanted to sell him. These rings weren't just any rings. These rings were the basis to Golden Rings of Power, Jerry's signature design. It was great timing too, because he desperately needed some. He was almost out of stock and people were getting restless. If he didn't get these rings soon it would be bad news. Seeing as Jerry had a bum leg, he couldn't make the journey himself, he needed Topper to go.

Jerry was nervous at first to ask this of him. When the time came, Jerry sat Topper down and told him that he needed him to travel to the Searing Gorge and retrieve the sack of rings. Mr. Denman emphasized greatly on how important these rings are and how they will make or break his business. Topper, not wanting to let him down, promised he would be more careful on this trip and would get them no problem.

A smile appeared on the eavesdropping Thomas Miller, it was time.

After making the preparations needed for the trip Topper set off. It was a rather uneventful journey there, and after a couple days of walking he made it safely. He was greeted kindly by the Brotherhood and Topper gave them the money in exchange for the rings. Topper found it odd they put the rings in a giant bag instead of a safer alternative, but nonetheless he was happy he hadn't messed up yet.

He thanked the Thorium Brotherhood for their hospitality and was off again back to Stormwind. After quickly realizing he forgot to set his hearthstone there, he sadly began his walk back. After (surprisingly) another uneventful journey Topper found himself proud as ever. There he was, staring at the gates of Stormwind with the bag of rings on his back. He did it! He didn't mess up.

Topper pranced over to the squirrel gleefully. It didn't run away when he neared. Topper was in heaven... until he realized it wasn't a real squirrel. Topper than looked up just in time to see a shadowy figure shove him and his rings into the watery descent below. The last thing Topper remembered before hitting the water was a faint smell of bread.

After swimming around the waters for some time trying to find the rings Topper gave up. Topper knew these waters were filled with Royal Monkfish, and those creatures love eating shiny things. Searching was futile since they probably had all gotten eaten. He headed back to Jerry's and hoped he was in a forgiving mood. He was wrong. This was the final straw for Jerry. Without hesitation he fired Topper. He didn't believe Topper's story. "A shadowy figure?" he said, "Right... I think you were just trying to balance on the side of the bridge and fell in." Soon after the firing of Topper the business went under and Jerry retired for good and decided to start a family instead of rebuilding his empire.

No one knows for sure who pushed Topper into the water. Ever since that day though, Thomas Miller always does his rounds with a spring in his step, and a crooked smile whenever he sees Topper at his street-side corner begging for gold.


  1. Great story, Asilwen!

    If only Thomas Miller had been born Thomas Goldsmith or Thomas Silversmith, he would have had a better chance. Curse that English custom of giving someone their surname based on their occupation.

  2. Thanks!

    Haha yeah, both he and his brother Mike Miller ( were doomed at birth!

  3. Aww, that's so sad! Poor Topper!

    PS. If you could add the option to allow commenters to post with Name/URL I'd love you to bits for it :D

  4. @Jaedia - I will figure that out as soon as possible! Probably when I get home later tonight! =P

  5. Beautiful ring has special significance.